So, hi everyone. We are a blended family. I have a son from previous marriage and hubby has a daughter. He was a widower when we met and I was a divorcee. We always put the kids first, they bonded really well and some time after dating we moved in (kids also wanted it). We then started having problems with my SD jealousy towards her dad. She would want to kiss and hold him and to always have his attention. She would throw tantrums, etc. It’s hard to give all the examples but it was really extreme at times. It was kind of irritating I admit, but I thought, well she needs time and we will adapt.
It took a while and a lot of work and she kind of settled a bit. She started calling me mom and showing me love and affection but I don’t know why I never felt that she was genuine. It’s weird. Anyway. We then had a baby girl and SD would try to act like a mum to her. As I had a boy I didn’t really know whether this is normal. I thought, well she is a big sister so that’s what they do. Anyway, over a few years I started noticing other similar relationships and no other older sister acted like that. It’s almost like trying to overtake the mother’s role. This really kind of hits me and makes me feel jealous.
I am myself an older sister and I never acted like that towards my siblings. Yeah, I was bossing them about, etc. but I never really had maternal instincts before I had a baby myself. Also she acts more like that in front of her dad. When he is not there she acts more normal and like a child. Anyway, I recently read about this syndrome and realised that this is not normal and I should stop doubting my instincts. My hubby is very soft in general and finds it hard to discipline. SD can also be quite manipulative which is something I don’t find particularly nice for such a young girl. She is 11 by the way. I’ve read similar stories and all the other step moms say that this gets worse over time. I’m kind of worried.