By Gill Jardine, Counsellor/Psychotherapist

My initial plan for this month was to look at fear and how it affects our lives. We often talk about stress and about anxiety but perhaps not so much about fear. Working as a therapist, I use a number of skills which I have learnt through my training, one of which is self-disclosure. This is thought of as an advanced skill because, used incorrectly, it can lead to a focus on the therapist rather than on the person coming for therapy. Clearly this is not the aim of therapy sessions. Why am I considering this – well, as a practising counsellor/psychotherapist I constantly need to be aware of what is happening in my life and how I am dealing with it. The reason for this is that I need to be fully available to my client at all times throughout the therapy sessions. If I become entangled in my own stuff, I will not be listening and therefore not creating a therapeutic atmosphere.

Over the past month I have been very aware of my own feelings regarding a hospital visit and a surgical procedure. One of these feelings was definitely fear. I am a trained nurse so this fear could not have been about being in a hospital, an experience which many people find frightening. If my fear was not about the environment, what was it about? I realised that it was coming from inside myself telling me that fear can be from an external or internal source. It came to my mind that I was apprehensive about the general anaesthetic, I know little about how it works or what it contains. I thought about this apprehension, what was it about? The answer ‘the unknown’ popped up in my head. I had found myself in a situation over which I had no control or understanding. When that penny dropped, the fear that we mentioned earlier started creeping over me.

I wonder what is the difference between apprehension and fear? I think it could be control. Being apprehensive suggests thinking about the concern, standing back, considering what may be the outcome of the situation. This of course could give us time to change our circumstances, to perhaps remove ourselves from that which is making us feel that way. This hints at having a choice or choices which in turn means having some control.

Certainly the thing that changed my feeling from apprehension to fear was a realisation that I had no control. I was to have a general anaesthetic which would knock me out completely – a situation which would remove all my control. Of course I did know that I would be looked after and I had agreed to this arrangement so, even though I would be unconscious, perhaps I had some sense of control

Of course the body has its own way of dealing with fear and that is by the production and release of adrenaline. This is a hormone which gives you an option to flee or to fight should you need to. If you are faced by a wild animal, you will feel fear and try to get away from it or fight it off. That adrenaline will give you the energy to do it. That of course is a physical response – I wonder about the psychological response. The chances are that in everyday life, you will not encounter a wild animal but you may well encounter things that frighten you. These may not be requiring a physical response but a psychological response. This requires thinking. I talked earlier about me being aware of my own behaviour as a therapist. In order to manage my own feelings I need to consider options I may have in how I respond. Stoicism tells us that it is not what happens to us in our lives but rather how we respond to it. We need to look for some control in the situation and make considered decisions about what we might do. Perhaps we need to give our experiences a score and practise different responses such as take 10 deep breaths, take the dog for a walk, phone somebody for a chat. All these things will have a positive effect on how we feel and therefore how we behave. We also need to think about the role we are going take in any situation – are we going to stand back and allow somebody or something else to take charge? Are we going to take a deep breath and a step forward?

Lets return to that wild animal we talked about earlier, are you going to ride the tiger or just hang on to his tail – it is actually your choice.