You clasp your hands over your face, your nails digging into your cheeks, clawing down, red welts begin to burn into your skin.

You begin to ponder, pondering about everything that has brought you to this situation.

Cross legged, sitting up in your bed, nothing but silence dancing in the room. It doesn’t help you can’t change the way you are, you’ll always be like that.

Stuck in a cycle of repeating endless cycle of negativity. So you speak, to no one but the plush infront of you.

“I’ve always felt like I had to earn love. Like being myself just wasn’t enough, i’ve spent so much of my life trying to prove my worth. by being available, giving more than I have, shrinking when I needed to say something. By making use everyone else was okay when I wasn’t.”

You pause to take a breath, you holding your need to cry, a need to relief yourself from your stress.

“Because I thought maybe if I gave enough, just maybe. They would stay, they would love me. That they wouldn’t leave me.”

“But i’ve learned that people always leave, or they change. Or they just stop trying, and i’m left sitting here, pondering about what I did?”

“I just want someone to love me for who I am. Not what I do, not my body, not for how well I hide my needs, not for how much I give for nothing in return. Just me”