Something about trauma response has awakened my curiosity.
I’m sure some of you have experienced it. The feeling of being haunted by your emotions that can strike you down at any time. If something triggers it, you eventually step back and somehow you must act into it.
The following story depicts one such trauma and the devastating effect of that experience.
A sad story:
‘Ann is a beauty, she was blessed with an attractive face and, since childhood, a lot of people have fallen for her prettiness and she has always had a lot of admirers. They give her gifts, flowers, love letters. But because of her pretty face, she experienced her first major trauma at the age of 16.
Her mother was kindhearted. When her mother received a call from Ann’s brother to ask to live with her due to lack of work, her mother agreed. The brother arrived and Ann was respectful and treated him as her uncle.
As the days went by, the uncle became progressively ‘touchy’ with her. One example was when she sliced vegetables and he helped her in a strange way… In a back hug position he clung into her and touched her hand, Anna got this disgusted feeling but she didn’t act on it because she had this expectation that it’s her uncle so assumed this was an appropriate act.
Days passed and Ann’s uncle got clingy with her. Ann couldn’t hold back how she felt anymore because she realised this is not how an uncle should behave.
Ann stepped back and avoided her uncle as much as possible. The uncle noticed but instead of taking the hint he tried to get closer.
Annal didn’t know what to do she cried everyday and would go anywhere just to avoid this man. She had a lot of questions and thoughts on her mind, “If I tell my mother, will she understand me?”, “Why would I let her choose between me and her brother?”, I`m such an annoying daughter.“. These thoughts clung into her head and she became depressed. Everyday felt like hell to her, and even just hearing her uncles voice made her feel betrayed, hurt, and nauseous.
Her mother finally noticed the way her brother was behaving and that Ann was avoiding her uncle. But, instead of taking action and throwing her brother out of the house, she just messaged Ann and said, “Why won’t you go down, your uncle is there, you love your uncles company don’t you?.“.
The house they lived in had two floors and Ann tried to avoid her uncle by staying on the floor he was not but whenever she went onto the 1st floor her uncle would go there too. She had no choice but hide in the corner and cover herself with a blanket. Looking into her mother`s message crushed her heart. The one person Ann would expect to protect her wholeheartedly, is the person who has crushed it down completely. Ann feels unheard.
It got to the point where Ann couln’t control her emotions anymore and she lashed out at her uncle. She became aggressive and wanted more than anything to punch her uncle in the face to make him stop. The day Ann finally came when her mother threw the uncle out.
Ann thought it would be the end of her pain, but she still felt empty. The trauma is there, a lot of negative thoughts, emotions, betrayal etc.. she can’t get away with it, can’t move past it.
Ann’s surroundings got also affected by her personal emotions. She avoided every man she came into contact with. They didn’t even do anything wrong. For Ann this is a trauma response. She knew the emotion connected to her trauma was not real. She kept reminding herself that not all men are like that but every time she told herself this the thoughts spiralled back. It was like a vicious cycle. To give up the thought patterns felt like it could destroy her brain. It was only to get worst in time. Ann decided she must simply get on with the life that felt like hell.
Ann wishes that someday her life will be better…
Ann wishes that the effect of her trauma will one day dissipate, dissolve, be gone…
Ann prays for a cure from trauma.’