I was having such a good year and everything was going so well. Then I went to the doctor with what I thought would be a regular benign enlarged prostate, and was referred to a hospital for tests. At the first appointment, they found a tumour in my bladder and I was told I had bladder cancer and potentially also prostate cancer. I asked the cancer nurse how the doctor could be certain, and she told me he had seen a lot of similar cases before which almost always were cancer. I even had a letter from my GP requesting I make an appointment to discuss my cancer diagnosis, which is still to come, so it was actually in black and white that I had cancer.

This changed everything and I became an anxious mess. It’s not easy living with that news. Two months of extreme stress, anxiety, scans, tests and an operation to extract the tumour. I then had to wait for the results of the biopsy to find out the type of cancer it was. It was then I was told it wasn’t, and the tumour was benign after all.

Obviously, I’m extremely thankful it wasn’t malignant. But now I feel confused about my mental state. The last two months of thinking the worst have crushed me mentally, and now I’m over the period of extreme stress followed by extreme relief, I can feel my mood has dipped and I don’t feel myself. But it’s like I don’t know how I feel anymore. In a way, I feel like hiding from the world and not interacting with anyone for a while, but I know that wouldn’t do me any good. I just feel mentally wrung out, like I have no emotions left.

I don’t know if anyone can relate to this. It’s unchartered territory for me and I’m not sure what I need to do to get back on track and make myself feel better again.

Thanks for reading.