Somedays are overwhelming…
Somedays are frustrating…
Somedays i feel like running my head into a wall…
However i wouldn’t change being a mom of THREE..
Or a single mom…
We all have a path..
Mine wasn’t destined to be with someone
Who lacked respect, lacked love,
Who was abusive..
Who was manipulative..
Who wanted me to be an addict like him..
Who didn’t treat my children right..
So on the days where i feel like crying
From being overwhelmed..
I remind myself of what my life was like five years ago..
How i’d cry myself to sleep every night..
How i would cut myself…
How i would run away from my own house..
How i slept outside in a church parking lot
Just so i didnt get a black and blue eye
For him being sick and not having drugs.
How i thought that was love..
How i thought giving my all and reciving not even the bare minimum in return..
How many bruises..
How it felt to be close to death..
I remind myself of what it was like not having
No one to turn to..
No one to run to..
Because everyone was tired of the endless cycle..
Endless lies..
I remind myself that i lost myself five years ago…
I tell myself that i will find my way.
I tell myself that if i let the past go,
I will be happier.
I tell myself not to hate him.. don’t be bitter..
Move forward. He’s gone.
That if i do..
I’ll parent better..
My children will see a brighter version of me
That they haven’t seen in a very long time…
So on the days where i feel like i can’t keep going…
I remind myself that i know what it’s like to survive actual pain..
Actual hurt..
And my current life…
Well my current life is just the beginning
Of a brighter chapter if i stay focused…
And don’t allow the frustrations to overcome me.
Everyone needs a rainbow at the end of the tunnel.