Hello, if I were to start an introduction I’d say my name but for this I’d like to be anonymous.

I’m currently 18 years old and if I were to describe myself I’d say I’m someone with a big heart. I feel too much, and I hate it a lot of the time.

When I was around 11 my parents split up and since then I’ve been I guess you could say “fucked up” or “mentally ill” but no one around me would say so. I struggled with self harm for about 6 years after that and developed PTSD from my alcoholic mother.

You’re probably wondering why I titled this “Hospital Room”. I’ll tell you why, just this memorial day I was in a hospital room staring. Just staring. I was there for my mom to be admitted into a rehab center, my same narcasistic mom that told me she quit drinking and someone I once snuggled with a fell asleep hearing there heartbeat. All I kept repeating in my head as I was in that hospital room is “my mom is going into rehab” over and over. That should be a good thing right? I told myself. Yet I struggled not to cry as I stared. You see, what hurt the most was that it had to get to this point and even after all of this I doubt she’ll actually recover.

I was told I may need to go to meetings by my dad and all I said was “I don’t really want to”. He replied with “don’t you love your mom?”, I scoffed in my head. When has she ever shown she loved me? You see, whenever it comes to parents we’re told to bow down and shut our mouths, how dare you speak back or have a voice. But I don’t feel crazy anymore. Someone can love you and still hurt you, and that’s what she’s done.

There’s so much stuff that’s happened in my life and the reason why I chose to speak about this incident is because everything started with her. Any young girls out there that have a narcacistic mother, know it isn’t your fault and you’re allowed to be seperate from her. You matter.