My mother was looking in boxes the other day attempting to have a clear out of unnecessary stuff that had accumulated over the years. What she found amongst trinkets and change was the below letter.
In 2009 I was arrested and hospitalised under Section 2 of the Mental Health Act.
Before, thankfully, being arrested, I had tried to kill myself in my boyfriends car, which I had stolen while he was asleep. With cuts to my arm, rips in my clothes and a desperate mind, I was, after some time driving around roundabouts trying to get lost so I couldn’t turn back from my suicidal plans, picked up, taken to a hospital to get my arm stitched and then taken to a Police Station in the middle of London.
There I sat on a bench for many hours while they tried to figure out what to do with me.
I was arrested for drink driving but after tests it was clear I was completely sober, instead I simply wasn’t well.
I believe this letter was written, amongst many others to various helping hands during my ill days, from the psychiatric hospital I had been taken to. Perhaps a few days after I was arrested.
I have no recollection of writing any of those letters. Reading this one back 14 years after these events I am surprised by how reasonable I was. Although reliving this time in my life is indeed harrowing, I am also comforted by the innocence, intention and sense of reason I find reading something I wrote during an episode of acute psychosis. It also really makes a me laugh in parts. Just wait until you read the P.S!
Although peppered with psychosis, I stand by this letter – perhaps not the P.S!
Prior to being arrested, I had every hope that this would be the end of my story.
But it wasn’t…
Dear Sirs/Police Department at XX Police Station,
I just wanted to say thank you so much for letting me sit on your bench for so long the other day. I apologise for getting in your way all day and am happy to say the doctors have helped me realise I was in fact in a real Police Station and not my own imagination!
All the staff that day and night were so kind to me whilst I was busy having a nervous breakdown. I am pleased to say that my little display of hopelessness landed me in XX Hospital where I have met many as mad as me and realised I am, in fact, ill.
The doctors have luckily begun to sort this out or me and hopefully soon I will be back on track with my mums help.
“After leaving apprehensions at the door I was able to relax into a different world in a very calming space.”
I can’t remember where I go this but it seems to fit how i’m feeling.
Thanks to all of you. My faith in the policing system and medical profession has now been restored and soon enough (hopefully!) my mind will be too.
Thank you again. (Tell XX she is my new hero!)
(AKA) Small puddle of misery that sat on your bench on XX XX 2009.
P.S If you ever need a new Police Woman (when I am well), let me know and i’ll do the training.