By Gill Seaton-Jardine, Counsellor/Psychotherapist

When I started working in mental health over 25 years ago, I wished that the subject had a higher public profile. Partly because of ignorance and partly because of stigma; nobody talked about it. There was shame around it, embarrassment too as well as not knowing how or where to get help. This meant that people suffering from mental health conditions, and their families, were largely alone trying to deal with it. A subject largely misunderstood that might have left the sufferers and their supporters at a total loss.

In more recent times, the profile of mental health has become heightened, to the point where it seems to be mentioned by just about everybody just about all the time. It puts me in mind of the expression ‘be careful what you wish for’. Yes, the profile has been raised and yes, in some ways that is good but it also has a downside. How could it possibly have a downside you might wonder. Surely it is better to be talking about mental health than not? In many ways, yes of course it is better, from the point of view that people are not so alone with their symptoms and treatment is more available than it used to be. The problem comes when people start to try to self diagnose and actually end up medicalising normal, every day events and feelings.

So what do I mean by ‘medicalising’? Every one of us experiences ups and downs in our lives. We all experience worry, sadness, feeling low, fear, joy, excitement, disappointment, plus many other feelings and emotions. These are quite normal parts of life. We cannot go through life never feeling strongly and never having life events upset and disrupt us. Because of the diversity between individuals, no two people will react in the same way to what may seem the same experience. This means sharing these experienced with someone who has gone through a similar event, e.g. a relationship break up or loss of a job, can actually be unhelpful. It might cause you to think that there is something wrong with you because you are not reacting in the same way to a similar event to another. At this point you might start to question the normality of your responses, perhaps causing you to think that you are suffering from a mental health condition. You may conclude, quickly, that you need professional help. Many people are now seeking this kind of help causing huge numbers of people to be waiting for a psychiatric assessment. Some people may find that they need psychiatric treatment but, in my experience in my counselling room, many, given time and space and someone to listen, can find their own resources. ‘Someone to listen’ need not necessarily even be a counsellor. Talking to a friend or trusted member of the family can be enormously helpful in trying to get back on track and understand our own feelings.

Well now, if you are really paying attention, you will notice that I have said that it can be helpful to talk to another and also that it can be unhelpful, how can this make sense? It all depends how well you know yourself. If you know yourself well, you will be able to listen, assess advice and decide if it helps, in any way, in resolving your situation. If you don’t know yourself, you may find more ideas just confusing.

In order to know yourself, you need to give the subject some time just like any subject you want to learn about. Do you often get your own way, or do you usually give in to somebody else? There are so may things we need to make a decision about – just stop and think, it might be a job situation, or property, what to have for dinner or whether to have a blue or a green sofa. It doesn’t matter what it is, the question is, do you get to decide or do you leave it to someone else thereby not getting what you want . In this situation, not only do you not get what you want, but by never taking the lead, you lose track of who you are and what is important to you. This will then leave you feeling unable to make decisions about even the smallest things, let alone the big things in life.

This feeling of lack of control can then lead to anxiety, fear, sadness and many other negative feelings which then may cause you to feel that there is something ‘wrong’ with you. And, in extreme cases, that you are mentally ill. Funding for mental health is still far from in abundance, and it may take a long time to get an appointment causing more worry.

I believe the place to start is in trying to use your own resources to know yourself better. Start by making some small decisions, without asking others what you should do. There was a time you knew if you would choose blue or green, whether you would like ice cream or chocolate… Go back to those days, you might be surprised at the confident you that nestled in there. Good luck bringing yourself back to the real you.