TRIGGER WARNING: Difficult themes to read. Please remember, this story is about on authors experience and they are relating to themselves in this, not to you, dear reader. Please read with care and if affected by this work do seek connectivity with someone you trust.

Do you ever feel like you don’t belong?

You never did.

Even at birth you were born with a defect and were set to die.

Miracle right?

I was spared because I’m special? Nope. Less than a few years later mental illness entered in the form of anxiety. A childhood spent being teased and seeing countless psychologists. Then the cherry on top, you lose your parent. So now you’re the weird kid without a dad…yeah kids are great.

You finally find yourself as a young adult, actually find a man who tolerates you and you start your life. You actually DARE TO DREAM that life will be better. Hold on to that thought.

You have a beautiful baby girl. Who is not developing well. Then you hear the words no parents want to hear… Autism.

You then see your mom battling cancer.

You get pregnant again. a small new hope.

Nearly bleed to death giving birth I guess they were trying to get me this time. I survive. But the good times are not done yet. Second baby is also autistic. Because why would I be allowed to have one healthy baby?

Fast forward to living this life for several years and it’s hard. And I fail. And everyone else is better than me at this. 

So why am I here? Do I need to be here? Or is it all a punishment?