A Free New Year

January always brings such a mixture of emotions, the calm after the festive period, looking forward to the year to come, resolutions; but also, the cold, short days and the realisation of quite how much money was spent in the previous month.

This year I have decided not to make any resolutions, I have decided what I need is to give myself a break. I battled so hard last year to get my diagnoses, it really took it out of me. That combined with stresses we have all been facing during the pandemic and the fact that I always struggle with the hustle and bustle November and December bring. I ended the year on my knees. But I rested, I got back up, I started on new meds. It feels like I’m heading in the right direction.

I’m not going to beat myself up if I don’t stick to my exercise plan, instead celebrate the times that I manage. I’m not going to do dry January, I will try and drink less but if I feel like a glass of wine I’m going to have one. I don’t want to set grand, unachievable goals that end with me feeling like a failure for not completing them. Instead, I want to take each day as it comes, allow myself to feel my emotions, whether they are good or bad, and just sit with them, let them be, even share them. I’m so quick to judge myself, I hold myself to standards I would never expect anyone else to adhere to. And then berate myself for not reaching those unattainable heights.

So, this is why I’ve come to my decision, no resolutions, no judging myself by some set of rules made with no idea what the future holds. Life is too unpredictable. I’ll grab life by the horns, when I feel I can, but not be ashamed if all I want to do is curl up with my cat. I’m allowing myself to be me, whoever that is, I’m still figuring it out. But most of all I’m cutting myself some slack, and I suggest you all do too. Here’s to a more open minded, self-accepting 2022.