I am not incapable of trusting things I can not see.
I trust in oxygen because I am breathing.
Right now, I am inhaling and exhaling perfectly. I can feel my diaphragm contracting and my muscles moving as I inhale oxygen. I can feel those same muscles relaxing as I exhale carbon dioxide.
The second that process stops, I question it because I have to breathe to live.
“What happened to the oxygen?” “I am struggling to breathe, is there anything left?” “Are my muscles working?”
I have to question it because if I don’t breathe, I will die.
But as long as the process keeps working and as long as I keep breathing, there is no reason for me to question the presence of oxygen.
I know that it is there and there is proof that it is working in my life. I see the results of it.
I get to run, swim, and walk. I get to bake, crochet, and do my makeup.
Do any activity really. I can do anything as long as I am breathing.
I can believe in the things my eyes can not comprehend.
All I need to know is if it is working in my life or not.
Because I am an imperfect human, I have to see proof to know.
If there is no proof, the promise of my belief can not be guaranteed.
I am just a human being.
I am not all knowing.
Not even half knowing.
I want to be that person. Someone with an unshakeable belief that greater is coming.
But greater has not been gifted to me yet.
I say “yet” because I choose to have some faith despite the evidence.
Despite the patterns of no.
Despite the patterns of rejection.
I have to believe that this means something.
Because I am an imperfect human, I need something to hold on to.
What do I hold on to?
What can I see proof in?